by Jackie Moore
My three cesareans
July
20th 1996 was my due date with my first child. I
was 21 yrs. old. It was also my wedding day. It
was a very small ceremony in our very small church.
My Dad was not there, he died suddenly on the first,
from a brain aneurysm. This was a very difficult
time for my family, & I was scared that I would
go into labor early from the stress. That didn’t
happen, I was 42 wks when I had my last prenatal,
& gladly went to the hospital for my induction
afterwards.
A week before my appointment, I did
start having contractions. I went into the hospital
& had very painful vaginal exams & was told
to go home. I was given morphine & sleeping
pills. The contractions stopped, but I lost my mucus
plug that night, most likely from the rough examinations.
At the hospital, the Dr. shows up
four hrs. late & gives me cervidil. I go into
labor quickly, & get an epidural. About 12 hrs.
later I am complete & told to push. My epidural
has worn off, & the pain is immense! I feel
no urge to push, but push with all my might anyway,
the nurses know better, right? I am in a semi-sitting
position with my feet in stirrups, pulling like
crazy on the arm rails. Everyone is yelling, “Push
Jackie, push!!” & Dave is counting to
10 with each contraction. I want to tell them all
to shut up, but I don’t. One nurse gets a
sheet & has me pull on it instead of the arm
rails. I can’t catch my breath & when
a contraction stops, the pain doesn’t go away.
Two hrs. later the Dr. shows up &
tries forceps to no avail. “You need a c-section”
is all I remember hearing. I look at my husband
Dave, & his chin is trembling. I will never
forget that look for as long as I live. They could
see Julian’s hair…I was about 2+ station
when the medpros gave up on me. He was LOA, my pelvis
was just too small.(that’s what THEY said,
not what I BELIEVE!)
They wheel me to the OR & up
my epidural. What sweet relief!! Then the Dr. started
cutting. “I can feel it!” I exclaim.
They don’t seem to believe me. Oh my God,
I thought, I’m going to die of shock, I’m
going to meet you today Jesus! Then I heard a snapping
sound & my baby boy crying. “Where is
he?” I ask. “Right there, look!”
Dave says pointing. I turn to look & caught
a quick, blurry glimpse of Julian, then they put
me under. My stay at the hospital wasn’t too
bad. I had one nurse who was so nice! I had trouble
swallowing pills, so she would crush my pain meds
& put them in vanilla ice cream. She would go
off duty & the other nurses would give me a
hard time about me not being able to swallow them.
I developed horrible gas pains…the other nurses
complained that the whole floor could hear me moaning.
They gave me tea & told me to walk. My abdomen
hasn’t been the same since. I still suffer
attacks of severe pain with loose bowels. Hey, at
least I have a healthy baby, right?
Recovery was fine, though I was confronted
with feelings that seemed silly. I mourned the loss
of my birth. All my life I was looking so forward
to becoming a mommy & giving birth. My c/s was
not a birth. It was a surgery. I had some info on
the International Cesarean Awareness Network, &
was comforted in knowing that I was not alone in
my feelings regarding my birth. I wish I would of
called them then. I didn’t have a computer
at the time to go to their website.
Two and a half yrs. later, in the
summer of 1998, I was pregnant again. I was so excited!!
I definitely wanted a vbac. I saw a different Dr.
& she told me about one of her patients that
had a uterine rupture & died right in front
of her. I scheduled my repeat after that. I was
scared as heck to try a vbac.
February 12th. 1999, my daughter
Corinne was born. I was given a spinal this time.
It took quite a few attempts for the anesthesiologist
to get it in place. The lightening bolts of pain
shooting down my legs were excruciating…tears
were streaming down my face…the staff laughed
gently as I relayed my fear of becoming paralyzed
. Then the anesthesiologist realized I was sitting
a little crooked. He remarked that an experience
like that was humbling. Hmmm, glad I was the one
to knock you off your pedestal! The spinal was finally
in, but I still could feel too much. They put me
under. Another lost birth. I ended up with a hematoma
that leaked old, orange blood. I had to wear a panty
liner over my incision for almost a month! I hated
my hospital stay. One nurse scowled at me when she
changed Corinne’s diaper. I was in so much
pain, I couldn’t get out of bed. Dave really
had to encourage me to walk around…at the
time it made me so mad that he wouldn’t leave
me alone. Finally, I was sent home! I had to have
my incision cleaned out & clots removed from
it a couple weeks later. I had the horrible fear
that my incision was going to come open & all
of me would be on the floor. My OB reassured me,
& held up a clot for me to see. I giggled &
said “How gross!” He smiled & seemed
glad I appreciated his wry sense of humor…which
I certainly did. It set my mind at ease, that everything
was going to heal just fine. Before that when I
had my staples removed, I asked the OB who did it
what would happen if my incision did break open,
she replied rudely “It’ll come open!”.
As a Christian, maybe I shouldn’t say this,
but there are no other words that fit…she
was a bitch. Plain & simple. She was the same
OB that marched into my room the next morning after
the cesarean, & demanded that I lie down, after
so much effort trying to sit up to eat my breakfast.
So while my breakfast got cold, & my stomach
rumbled from the hunger, that witch RIPPED off the
tape on my incision with no warning, while the resident
OB looked on. They quickly left with no words spoken
to me, & I’m left again lying down. Again,
I slowly work my way up to a sitting position to
eat my cold breakfast. A month after my surgery
I can finally join Dave in bed at night instead
of sleeping on the couch sitting up. The huge bruise
across my belly was finally fading. Seven weeks
after Corinne’s birth, Dave had a vasectomy
done. He always wanted just two kids. I wanted more,
but I thought my body was broken, so I went along
with it. My heart was broken as well.
July 2000. Dave & I were having
the “I want another baby” discussion
for the millionth time. This time though, he shocked
me. “OK, I’ll get it reversed.”
I started crying, jumping up & down & hugging
him. I couldn’t of been happier!! March 12th.
2003, Dave had his vasectomy reversed. May 24th.,
I had two positive pregnancy tests on the kitchen
counter for Dave when he came home from work. I
was so happy, tears were falling like crazy, &
Corinne says in her adorable 4yr. old voice, “What
mommy? Do you have a baby in your tummy?”
I had a lot of work to do. I knew
I was screwed out of my vbac with Corinne, the chance
of a uterine rupture was less then 1%, but I was
never told that!! Ironically enough, I learned that
statistic from the TV show, “Birth Day”.
That show pisses me off too much now to watch it…anyway,
I started doing research on the computer. I joined
the ICAN group…There should be no reason why
I can’t try for a vba2c, right? I was thrilled
to learn that a vaginal birth after multiple cesareans
was definitely an option. I found an OB from a “Mother-
friendly guide” that endorses the CIMS philosophy.
I wasn’t comfortable at the time for a homebirth,
which might of been a good thing, if the “problem”
I had with my amniotic fluid was true. I’m
getting ahead of myself here though…
I liked my OB. She was going to allow
me a trial of labor. I had to pick my battles though.
I would have to have CFM, an I.V., & she brought
up “going past 40wks.” Grrrrrrrrr. 42
wks. is “over due”!! At least she took
me seriously when I told her I had 32 day cycles
& I ovulated around day 18. She adjusted my
due date to Feb. 1st. By LMP it would of been Jan.
29th., so it still didn’t give me much more
time. I had an u/s done. It was a boy!! I was so
happy, baby Josiah!! At 34 wks I developed a itchy,
burning rash on my abdomen & stretch marks.
I did some research on my computer & came up
with PUPPS. I saw a different OB who disagreed with
that diagnoses. I had labs done on my liver &
they came out fine. Never got an answer from the
OB’s.
Josiah started kicking me really
hard around wk. 37. It was so painful, I would cry
out & hold my right side, feeling as if his
foot was going to go through my uterus! It was so
bad I almost scheduled a repeat. But I wanted my
vba2c too much. I dealt with the pain as best as
I could.
My OB wanted me to schedule an u/s
at 40 wks. Big baby talk. I humored her although
I don’t believe in such nonsense. I had a
NST done at my 40 wk. appointment. It irritated
me that the Dr.’s were acting as if I was
over due. Liability reasons, I’m sure. I had
a VE done. Mistake!! It hurt so bad. I lost my plug
the next day. Just like with Julian! I have a VE,
the OB messes with my cervix too much!! I was mad
that it didn’t come out naturally. I was having
sporadic contractions, so I knew my body was getting
ready. My u/s was that same day, I chugged down
24oz. of v-8 splash (oh sooo fun) an hr. before
my appointment. The u/s tech said, “Hmmmm,
there’s no fluid” “No fluid?!”
I exclaimed. “Yea, I see that a lot, really
common, it’s anhydramnios”. She was
very nonchalant about it. She had the high risk
Dr. come in the room to confirm it. They couldn’t
find one measurable pocket of fluid! Next thing
I know I’m on the phone with one of the OB’s
from the office that I didn’t care for (the
one who did my VE ). I was in tears & in shock
at the same time.
I remember hearing that the baby
needs to come out now because of the possibility
of cord compression. “I can’t be induced”
I say. “I had two c/s.” “Oh, well,
you have no choice, come on in to the hospital for
a c/s.” She says, with a witchy attitude.
I was devastated. But I was terrified even more.
I was afraid Josiah would die before I got to the
hospital. I never heard of having no fluid, low
fluid, yea. I was thinking he might of had kidney
or bladder problems, or a chromosomal abnormality,
but other than the fluid, Josiah was healthy. We
dropped the kids off at my sister’s house,
& headed to the hospital. As soon as we walked
up to the L&D nurses station, I started bawling.
I couldn’t hold it in. I was being cut for
a THIRD time!! Why do I keep getting screwed?! Two
hrs. later I finally get my spinal. The anesthesiologist
was awesome. He got it right in one try. He was
very fast. They started cutting & I could feel
it on my right side. They tilted the table to numb
up that side better & it worked! It was still
horribly uncomfortable though. I ask for nitrous
oxide & they obliged, thankfully. Praise Jesus
for that stuff!! I wouldn’t of been able to
handle the surgery without it, & again would
have to be put under. I started to go to sleep &
Dave said, “Don’t fall asleep, Josiah
is almost here.” He knew how badly I wanted
to stay awake for this one. I missed Julian’s
& Corinne’s birth. ”I see hair!”
I heard. Then the most precious sound I ever heard,
my baby’s cry! “Let me see him! Let
me see him!” I cry out. They held him up briefly,
again, all I saw was a blur. It seemed like forever
before they handed him to Dave, who immediately
brought him close to me. I put my arm around Josiah
& kissed him. This was by far the best c/s.
I had. Although it still sucked not having my vba2c,
I at least held my son as soon as he was born, &
I stayed awake for the whole surgery. The nurse
anesthesiologist took a beautiful picture of me
& Josiah looking into each other’s eye’s,
right after he was born. God bless that Woman.
The hospital stay was horrible. They
wouldn’t give me any other pain meds except
Toradol for the first 24 hrs, which didn’t
work that great for me. I also couldn’t sleep,
& if I don’t sleep, it really affects
me bad…I started hallucinating & getting
anxious. Finally I was given different pain meds
& a sleeping pill. But it took a good couple
days to mentally feel like myself again. The nurses
where saying Josiah wasn’t getting enough
milk, & kept bugging me to give him a bottle.
I never had this problem with my baby crying so
much, so I thought maybe they were right. One nurse
told my husband to keep Josiah quiet. I yelled at
her. UGH!! NEVER again will I give birth in a hospital!!!
So I did end up supplementing in the hospital. Nursing
wasn’t successful. I did throw away all the
darn free samples when we got home, but 4 weeks
after his birth, I gave up. My nipples were bright
pink & felt like they were on fire. My OB was
no help. I wish I would of thought of LLL. My heart
aches now that I can’t nurse my baby.
I learned so much after Josiah was
born. I read more books. I did more research on
the computer. I spoke with women who had a homebirth
after three cesareans, because I now feel with all
my being, that birth is a normal, miraculous event,
& when Dr.’s get involved in it, there
is a VERY good chance they will mess it up. This
culture is so BRAINWASHED into thinking that your
supposed to give birth in a hospital where it is
safest. What a joke! It’s sad that I had to
go through all of this to see the truth of how messed
up childbirth is in this country. It’s absolutely
surreal.
I’m still not sure if my third
cesarean was necessary. Most likely I had PROM (premature
rupture of membranes) & didn’t know it.
Maybe that’s why it was hurting so bad when
Josiah kicked, my cushion of amniotic fluid was
low/gone. I’m still confused on what the difference
is of PROM with low or no fluid, & women’s
water breaking in labor. Why don’t Dr’s
freak out over cord compression with the latter?
Was it because I had NO fluid, no measurable pockets
on my ultrasound, that made cord compression a real
possibility?
I did heal really well after. Physically,
that is. My heart still yearns for a normal birth,
something that has been robbed of me three times.
I now mourn the loss of three births. But I rejoice
in the three beautiful blessings that my Lord Jesus
Christ has given me. And to Him, I am eternally
thankful.
Jackie Moore
Mommy to…
Julian 8/3/96 CPD
Corinne 2/12/99 ERCS
Josiah 2/3/04 Anhydramnios
HBA3C in the future…
My attempted HBA3C: The
birth story of Jadon Elijah.
Short version; Went into labor
Thursday night, October 6th at 11:00 PM. Friday
morning started to experience horrible back pain
with contractions. According to MW, was in active
labor (about 3 cm) at 4:00 PM that afternoon. Right
after midnight on Saturday, I decided I couldn't
take the pain anymore. I transported to the hospital
at about 6 cm. After trying all night & getting
to 9cm, OB said time for a cesarean. Jadon was born
by cesarean at 10:55 AM, October 8th, 2005.
Long version:
I can't believe it took me
this long to write my story. I started to write
this Oct 19th, 2005…..but couldn't get into
all the details. It just hurt so much. My dream
of actually giving birth was so close….but,
only God knows why….it wasn't meant to be.
Finally, the raw emotion is
gone….the white hot anger….the deep
sadness….weight of regret, & the whys
are not so strong anymore. I have gone through a
lot to get to where I am today. I'm weaning off
all of my medications, I had unbelievable love &
support from my ICAN sisters. It's time to tell
the story, & leave it behind me. It doesn't
mean that I will never think about it, or that I
won't cry over my shattered dreams. The hard part
is over. I'm moving on, & looking forward to
my life with my dear husband & four awesome
kids.
So, it is spring time. April
20th 2007 to be exact. I love the spring time….gives
me such a strong sense of renewal & healing….&
hope. Ironically, I'm supposed to be at the ICAN
conference right now…but I was sick as a dog.
I know weaning off my meds had a lot to do with
it. I really wish I was there.
Well, I better get to this story.
I remember when the first twinge of pain hit, that
signaled to me that it was the beginning of labor.
I lost my plug a few days back…which was actually
very exciting for me, as you may recall in my three
cesareans story, the last two times I lost my plug
was because some damn OB had their fingers where
they don't belong. When I lost my plug, I started
crying & thanking Jesus. My body was doing what
it was meant to do…without "help"
from the medpros.
So anyway, the first twinge
of pain hit me at the grocery store while shopping
with Dave. I was 42 wks (second time to go that
long!) & we wanted to stock up, since I knew
labor would start any day.
I remember thinking when that
very small contraction hit, "Ow! That frickin'
hurt! I thought labor was supposed to come on more
slowly!".
I was so excited about this
birth. It would be my 1st time trying for a homebirth.
In the beginning of the pregnancy, I emailed at
least a half a dozen midwives in my area with basic
questions….such as, "Would you attend
a homebirth after three cesareans?" "What
are your thoughts on a woman having too small of
a pelvis & being cut for CPD?" And, "Do
you mind if the woman goes to 42 wks?" I narrowed
down the midwives from the answers I received &
I interviewed two in person & one on the phone
with more detailed questions. I choose the midwife
who sounded so hands off, & she sounded like
she really had faith in the woman's body to be able
to do what it does naturally….BIRTH.
Throughout all my prenatals,
there was never a red flag that maybe this wasn't
the midwife for me. She said all the right things.
When I asked "What if" questions, her
answers always put my mind at ease.
Dave, & I picked up fast
food on the way home from the store. I think it
was about 20 minutes or so, another contraction
hit. I had a feeling this was it.
I emailed my friend who I wanted
to be there for my homebirth later on that night,
I think about 11:00 pm. I told her I was in labor….it
hurt right off the bat….no milder contractions
leading up to the more hard ones….it was BAM
in your face ow that hurt like a MF'er!!
I don't remember what I told
her, probably that I would let her know when I needed
her. I couldn't get to sleep, the contractions hurt
bad when I tried to lay down….there was no
way. Again, I don't remember what I did most of
the night…I know I woke up Dave about 4:00
am to get the shower curtain on the bed….I
thought it was going to be soon. By dawn, the contractions
were about 4 minutes apart, & I started having
excruciating back pain with the contractions. We
called the midwife about 6:00 am….I remember
kneeling by the couch & crying after a contraction….I
was saying this hurts…I want this to end!!!
I thought I was in transition. Things are a bit
fuzzy, but the apprentice midwife came by about
10:00 am & she checked me. I don't think I was
even 2 cm dilated. I wasn't surprised….just
remember thinking…crap….I've been working
so hard just to be a two??
I knew my baby wasn't in the
prime left occiput anterior position. I palpated
my belly so much, & got to know my baby…he
(I didn't know if the baby was a he or she until
he was born) was in the right occiput posterior
position when labor started. So, that gave me some
understanding of what was going on with my labor….I
knew he had to do a lot of turning to get LOA.
The majority of the time, Dave,
apprentice & I would sit in the living room
& chat….between contractions that is.
A contraction would hit (about every 3-4 minutes)
& I would lift my butt up off the couch, arch
my back, & yell, "My back! God!! My back!".
That seem to go on for hours..actually it did. I
fell asleep between contractions. The apprentice
was over for "support". She sat in my
rocking chair the majority of the time, & half-assed
rubbed my back during one contraction. I wanted
her to leave….but, I'm just too nice, I guess.
I think my midwife showed up
later that afternoon. I labored in the aqua doula
which was really nice. I had my computer room all
set up for my birth….affirmations on the wall,
Christmas lights strung up…candles..screen
saver on my computer with pretty scenery pics. It
was awesome.
The next thing I remember,
about 18 hours or so into my labor, my midwife says
I was just a "4", & my cervix was
posterior. She said she wanted to hold it forward
so that the baby's head would apply the right pressure
on it to get it to dilate, & hopefully get the
cervix up & over the baby's head. In my misery,
I said, "OK". What follows is the most
excruciating pain I have ever felt in my life. She
would hold my cervix forward during a contraction…me
laying flat on my back. She had me push a few times
to get the baby's head past the cervix….I
complied being that I was in labor land, & not
thinking clearly…It was next to impossible
to push…I couldn't get on top of the pain
in order to do it. My body was not ready to push,
but my MW insisted that I do so, other wise my body
would not be able to birth this baby.
I think it was about 4 hours
in the torture chamber. I screamed bloody murder….my
midwife was helping me with her tricks, & I
felt like I was going to die from the pain. She
suggested that I lie on my right side to get my
posterior cervix to move anterior. I tried, &
I couldn't hold that position….my body would
thrash uncontrollably from the pain. My midwife
laid on me during one contraction to keep me from
moving….I screamed into the mattress….I
couldn't escape the pain. I'm still surprised my
neighbors didn't call the cops.
We even tried the cervix pulling
on the birth stool. My vaginal opening hurt so bad….I
said enough. I'm going to take a bath, just leave
me alone. The midwife asked Dave in the hallway,
"Is she always this stubborn?". Dave came
into the bathroom, & tried to convince me to
let the midwife do what she needs to do….since,
my body wasn't working "normally" &
it obviously needed help. I decided to transport
to the hospital. First, I had Dave call my friend.
He left a message, & I hoped she would get it…she
did eventually….& got over to my house
about an hour after I transported. What if, what
if what if…….
I got out of the tub, &
someone got McDonald's. (nice, healthy snack for
a laboring Mama!) It was nice not having anyone
bug me about my cervix & how something needs
to be done….I sat there & ate my chicken
nuggets….& during a contraction, I would
lift my butt again & make all kinds of racket.
My midwife suggested that she checked me again.
She said I was swollen, & that she has to pull
the cervix forward or the baby won't come. She would
not let me labor in peace!!!! I have read so many
birth stories….the majority of the homebirth
stories described how awesome, kind, gentle, &
PATIENT their midwives were….even after many
hours of labor….I got a midwife that I did
not want, & I didn't know what to do.
So, we went to the hospital.
After laboring for approximately 24 hours at home,
I had enough. I know I could of have gone on longer,
if I had better support….but my husband don't
know jack shit, & he ends up trusting the midwife,
instead of me.
I wasn't ready to give up my
VBAC dream yet. I told the hospital staff that I
had only one cesarean. I wanted pain meds as soon
as possible though. The OB on call checks me &
says "That the baby is posterior!". When
she finds out that I was attempting a homebirth,
she rudely exclaims, "You had no prenatal care!".
Give me a flipping break. Come in. Piss in a cup,
Dip stick in cup. Get weighed. Have blood pressure
read. Get naked, have 'em stick their fingers up
your vagina, be told that you can't have a vaginal
birth because of xyz….told to take crap prenatal
pill…yep….that's prenatal care. Sadly,
that's the truth. That's not care. That's insanity.
New acronym that I got from my ICAN support list:
OB/GYN = Oh Boy Got You Naked. Ain't that the truth!!
So anyways, the bitch OB says
I can't have pain meds until I consent to pitocin.
Oh my word…I don't want to delve to deeply
into that one… I know what she did was unethical.
I prayed in the bathroom. Pitocin with THREE cesareans???
I was so conflicted….I wanted my VBAC bad…but
the pitocin scared me….I wanted the pain meds
bad….I was sick of having a lightning bolt
striking my sacrum!!!! I finally said to myself,
I'm not getting an epidural….I will definitely
feel it if I rupture….this Dr. would slice
& dice me in a minute if I asked her to…so
I consented to the pitocin.
I must of labored for about
four hours before I was given anything. The Rn's
were so wonderful though, & treated me like
any other laboring Mom. One provided a birth ball,
& a bean bag to lean over on the bed with ,
to get my baby to flip to anterior.
I was finally given nubain,
& it knocked me on my butt. I couldn't believe
how well it took care of the pain. They ended up
stopping the pitocin because it had no effect. I
was given another shot of pain meds later on.
In the Morning, I only had
a lip of cervix left. Meconium was coming out of
me, but baby was fine. The OB wanted to pull my
cervix forward during pushes….I ended up peeing
on her….ROTFLOL! She said it was good though,
I was using the right muscles (roll eyes). I pushed
a few times, & got baby to about a +1 station.
After 36 hours of labor, & no real sleep, I
had a fever, & the OB said it was time for a
cesarean. I was in a fog, & tired of fighting.
I consented to the surgical extraction of my fourth
child.
I was scared to death though.
I begged them to please put me under. I couldn't
explain that I had two inadequate anesthesia cesareans
before. I don't know if it's Michigan anesthesiologists
or what…..but I was numbed up OK….still
not great….but I got nitrous oxide, even though
it makes me paranoid. I guess spinals & epidurals
just don't work that great on me.
I was surprised how fast the
OB was getting my baby out. I thought it would take
a lot longer for her to get through all the scar
tissue….and there was a lot, but she was fast.
My baby came out, & the first thing I asked
is if it was a boy. It was! He was COVERED in meconium.
I'm ashamed to admit that I
allowed (as if they asked permission before they
did it) these idiots to intravenously give him antibiotics.
My poor baby smelled like a penicillin pill. I started
giving him probiotics at 3 months old when he developed
severe eczema. I have no doubt that those antibiotics
compromised his immune system & caused his eczema
to be so bad. Yes, part of it's genetic, asthma
& allergies run in my family, but, I also blame
the damn hospital & their protocols.
I guess it's to be expected
that I would have at least one confrontation with
a nurse since I wasn't a sheeple. She said she needed
to take Jadon for some tests. I asked, "what
tests?" She says, "Oh, just common ones".
"WHAT TESTS?" I ask, raising my voice.
Man, did she look pissed. "PKU", she spat.
"OK,….fine you can do that." I told
her. There is really no way to know for sure if
they respected my wishes about not giving him the
Hep B shot. The only way to be absolutely certain
that these people don't stick unnecessary needles
into your baby is to have a homebirth, & that
was ripped from me.
I just remembered another confrontation.
One RN said I couldn't have any other pain meds
except tylenol…something about the Dr.'s order
being expired or something, don't remember, don't
really care. She was adamant that I couldn't be
sent home with something stronger. My hubby spoke
to the head nurse & got the prescription….but
my God. I pity the poor soul who takes this bullshit
from this idiot nurse. I pity ALL souls who take
all the bullshit in the medical field period.
I was sent home. Midwife came
by with food & explained her theory as to why
I didn't dilate correctly. She said she thinks there
was scar tissue on my uterus preventing the contractions
to pull the cervix forward. Although she taught
me how a posterior cervix moves forward, & what
it looks like using a doll & a sweater….I
don't buy her theory. I have never seen it mentioned
in medical literature, & you would think if
scarred uteri prevented dilation, that would just
be another scare tactic that Dr.'s would use against
VBAC mamas. "Oh no!" Says the almighty,
omniscient OB, "You can't have a vaginal birth!
It's too risky! Besides, your scarred belly won't
let you dilate to push the baby out! You silly little
patient you!! Your pelvis is small anyway….you
want to kill your baby? Just schedule a cesarean,
it's safer for you, & safer for your baby! You
can pick the baby's birthday too! Isn't that nice?
Hmmm? You won't have to go through all the PAIN
of a vaginal birth too….& hubby still
has a nice tight twat…hehe…now, get
up on this table & lets see how your baby is….spread
your legs & open wide!….wow….good
thing I checked! You couldn't push a 1 lb baby through
there! What's your shoe size? Never mind, doesn't
matter…lets schedule the cesarean around 38
weeks….you don't want to go past 40 wks, your
placenta turns to stone after that….you want
a healthy baby right? OK, get dressed. You spilled
some sugar in your urine, so you are diabetic, your
baby would of gotten huge! At least 7 lbs!!!! And
your blood pressure is high, so you have preeclampsia…remember
NO SALT. Whew, aren't you glad you are just scheduling?
You guys would DIE without my infinite knowledge!
Have a good day…come back next week so we
can do this all over again, OK? You are such a good
patient!"
Ugh. Were was I? Oh, my midwife
& her theory. Anyway, I have spoken to my midwife
by email quite a few times since. She was certain
there were no malpositioning problems. I recently
stopped the emails because there was no point. She
honestly believed that my long labor was "not
normal" & that she wasn't badgering me
about my cervix.
One thing that I found interesting
was when I mentioned to her about her calling me
stubborn. She apologized, & said she really
doesn't remember that, but perhaps she was frustrated.
I asked her, "Why would you be frustrated?"
She said she would not answer that one.
It kinda got ugly between us.
I really wish things turned out better.
Sigh. I'm sick of writing this.
Today is the 22nd ….I have been working on
this when I can, but, I'm done for now. I really
tried to offer her an olive branch, & tried
to get some closure, but, no. It's all my fault,
& if I would of done what I was told, &
if I REALLY wanted that VBAC, then I would of buckled
down & had my birth. That hurts.
I might add more to this story. But I'm glad I finally
got this down. I can move on.
Jackie, Mom
to:
Julian 10 c/s CPD
Corinne 8 c/s ERC for trusting that doc knows best
Josiah 3 c/s Planned VBA2C w/OB. Anhydramnios/dead
baby card @ 41 wks
Jadon 1 c/s HBA3C dream shattered. Still trying
to pick up the pieces.
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