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The birth of my daughter
started out as a quest to just have options. I wanted
a doctor who would let me try to have a vaginal
birth after my cesarean, if it was possible. Of
course, I would use adequate pain relief like an
epidural. No need to be in horrible pain if it wasn't
necessary. After all, I wasn't trying to be a hero,
just give birth. I didn't have faith in my body
to be able to give birth after I had my son. It
looked likely that I had something called CPD (basically
my pelvis was too small). I've always been super
skinny, so maybe my insides were, too. However,
I hated every moment of my c-section. From the time
I was cut open; I was angry. Children weren't supposed
to be born this way. I wasn't in an emergency situation.
My son was born gorgeous. I was told this was because
we were lucky to have the technology nowadays to
"save my life" and the "baby's life."
I couldn't let go of the fact that I carried my
first pregnancy so well and felt great. When the
doctors gave me a guilt trip so I would have an
induction at 41 weeks, I often wondered, how did
I start off being a healthy, glowing pregnant woman
and go into being "an emergency" just
because "my fluid was too low?"
Just after moving to Palm Harbor last year, I met
a friend who I knew was lead to me for many reasons.
She was pregnant at the time and wanted a second
VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section). She ended
up doing a home birth. I thought she was strong
and crazy at the same time. Home births are so dangerous,
so I thought. My husband and I talked through the
options. We decided a hospital birth was the only
way to go. After all, I was probably too thin, the
baby could likely get stuck and nothing is worth
losing this precious miracle. Also, I heard your
uterus could rupture! Scary stuff. My friend referred
me to a doctor who oversees a lot of the midwives,
Dr. Dinsmore. My friend really liked her. I made
an appointment. To determine the due date, Dr. Dinsmore
did an ultrasound and was very encouraging. She
was very pro-VBAC and positive. I really loved her
and her staff and soon felt more confidence that
I COULD have a VBAC. Her staff encouraged me to
do a lot of research. I did. In the meantime, I
found a local chapter of ICAN and a supportive mom's
group. Women from both groups were encouraging and
informative. I couldn't believe what I was learning.
Through tons of research I discovered how rare uterine
rupture was. After all, any birth can have complications.
I realized this CPD everyone talked about was often
a way to say "we don't know what went wrong",
and it was also not that common. My hopes for a
vaginal birth soared. Through coaching from numerous
friends and ICAN members, I became more confident.
My quest through time became more than a desire
to "try and have a vaginal birth" - it
became a fight for women's rights. I became so angry
that Dr. Dinsmore is one of the only doctors in
a huge city like Tampa that will "allow you
to try a VBAC." After all, each pregnancy is
different. Why should you automatically be cut open
just because you were once cut open? In a "free"
country, when did we, as women, just hand over the
rights to our bodies to the medical community? Who
voted for them to be able to "force" us
into surgery? Oh, yeah, they will tell you that
nobody will "force you", but when you
can't find a doctor who will let you try to give
birth vaginally or if you go into a hospital and
the staff will tell you that if you don't sign the
papers to have a c-section, they will get a court
order to take custody of your unborn child (this
probably doesn't happen often, but I've personally
heard of three cases), what do you call that?
I had so many blessings throughout my pregnancy
like the other supportive moms, my encouraging friend,
and a great doctor. I felt further encouraged through
the other people God put in my life; the doula I
received, my wonderful hypnobirthing instructor
and fellow classmate and several Bradley class teachers
who offered to share their knowledge. Everyone gave
so freely and with such optimism. I was pumped!
God was blessing me beyond my hopes. I wanted to
do this soooo badly now! I was doing it for all
c-sectioned women!
At 36 weeks pregnant, Dr. Dinsmore shared with me
that due to some legal issues, she might not be
able to deliver my baby. I was crushed! Oh no! After
all these blessings and all this work. Where would
I go? I was stressed. I made a lot of phone calls
and discovered I was down to two real options; a
practice of doctors an hour away from my home with
a group of doctors I didn't know or a midwife. My
husband and I struggled. Me? Give birth at home?
Was I crazy? I was told I could very well be too
thin, I have severe asthma, I'm an older mom, and
I'm a VBAC; how could I do a 360 and go the complete
opposite direction and deliver without a hospital?
How risky. My husband looked at me and said he didn't
think I could do it. After all, there would be no
epidural. It'll have to be all natural, That scared
me, too. I'm the wimp that still cringes when she
gets shots! How could I go natural? Yet, I couldn't
let go of my desire to give birth the way God intended
me to. My husband and I agreed that we thought if
I went to the hospital, I'd probably end up in another
c-section. So home birth it was. Enter our midwife,
Jill. When I met Jill, I really liked her and she
was "real" with me. She wasn't going to
tell me what I wanted to hear. We were both concerned
that Dr. Dinsmore expressed her concern about my
asthma. This is where I was strong. I knew my asthma
very well throughout the pregnancy and birth of
my son. I knew how it would be. I knew a hospital
staff was never able to have my asthma in control
for any length of time. So, I "sold" myself
despite being an older woman, a first time VBAC
and an asthmatic. Against the advice of others,
I was going for the home birth. I was comforted
by all the encouraging people God put in my life,
all the knowledge I gained, hiring "the VBAC
Queen" as my midwife (as Jill is known) and
by my faith in God.
Dr. Dinsmore's staff checked me at 37.5 weeks and
I was 3cm dilated and 70% effaced! I don't like
checks, but I was so encouraged by this! I never
dilated on my own before and I was 2 cm dilated
last time when I got an epidural. I was already
ahead of the game...Plus, Dr. Dinsmore gave me a
big hug and her blessing as I left her office, which
meant a lot to me. She understood my feelings and
honored them, without thinking I was crazy.
Since I went late with my son, my husband I decided
not to stop life, even around the due date. We decided
to go visit some friends at a campsite for Sukkot
an hour away. We drove up Friday, spent the evening
with our friends and got a hotel for the night,
The plan was to spend the whole day with them on
Saturday, studying, fellow-shipping and taking our
son to see the petting farm. When we went to bed
that night (maybe around 10:00pm), I felt strong
Braxton Hicks contractions. They weren't that painful,
though and I casually made the comment to my husband
that I might go into labor in a few days. He grunted
and went back to sleep (later he told me he didn't
remember this). I was up most of the night since
my 17 month old son was cuddling next to me and
slowly pushing me off the edge of the bed. Around
6:00am I awoke to find my son totally cuddling in
my arms. What a great moment since I don't get many
of those since he became a busy little toddler.
Just then I felt some contractions. Hum...They were
strong enough I needed to walk around. I quickly
tried to ignore them because I was anxious to cuddle
again. I got into bed, got comfy and had another
contraction. I walked some and noticed they were
coming every 5-6 minutes. My husband asked if he
could sleep more and I said we better go. I wanted
to be home for the labor. We had a quick breakfast
before we left (I didn't want to labor on an empty
stomach). I just remember how hard it was to sit
still as my husband grabbed a second cup of coffee
and we checked out. However, the pain wasn't bad.
I just didn't want to look "in labor"
to anyone. We drove an hour home and I called my
birth team. My friend told me to prepare for another
14-15 hours of labor. My doula had a funeral that
day in Sarasota and I urged her to go because this
could be a long day. I was talking through contractions,
my husband said I looked good and my son was saying
"yes" 'yes" "yes" in the
backseat for the first time. First cuddling, now
"yes" instead of "no" in the
backseat...Everyone was feeling good.
We walked in our apartment and instantly the contractions
got stronger. We had a lot to do! I asked my husband
not to delay and make the bed. I got our my bathing
suit to labor in and tried to get little things
done, but the contractions kept coming. My husband
begged me to contact the birth team. I refused.
After all, I was only in labor for about 2 hours
at this point. I didn't want to be a wimp. I was
going to be tough! I was just so annoyed by the
fast contractions. I had things to do! I had to
call my friend to take my son, get more things out,
get my hynobirthing CD, etc. etc. However, those
darn contractions were messing up my plan! Soon,
things went so fast. My husband told me firmly to
call the birth team. I refused again. Thank goodness
for Jill. She had sense enough to leave me a message
and check up on me. She didn't ask to come over,
she said she was coming over to check me. Now I
felt ready to call my doula. Things went so quickly
from there! We put our son in his crib, filled the
tub and my doula walked in. I had 2-3 more contractions,
decided I hated the tub and got out. Jill came in
and didn't even bother to mention the word dilation.
She just told me the baby's head was at a plus 3
station and right there, ready some out. Wow! That's
when it hit me, I am going to do this! I went on
the bed and Jill asked if I wanted to push. I first
said no then I said OK (because I just felt the
need). I decided to lean on Tim and squat. It wasn't
pleasant, but it was do-able and I talked between
pushes. The doula was there, reminding me how to
push and putting oils on my back. It's what I needed.
Jill placed her finger where I needed to focus my
pushes, which also helped greatly. I did this for
what seemed like forever (it was actually less than
an hour) and then I was encouraged to push on the
toilet. This helped and I soon felt the baby almost
crowning. My friend walked in around this time to
cheer me on. The timing was perfect because she
soon validated my feelings; she said "this
is the worst part." I agreed. It wasn't that
painful...it just felt weird. I pushed and had to
slide my bottom off the toilet since I thought the
baby might drop in. I was asked where I wanted to
deliver and I said the bed, but Tali had other ideas.
I had to push while walking and out she came.
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After all the excitement
wore down, I became elated. I did it! It wasn't
horribly painful like some women said thanks
to the circumstances and the grace God gave
me. I had a great, fast VBAC when doctors would
say it's too risky and I needed surgery. Here
I was; happy, energetic, surgery and drug-free
with a healthy, beautiful child. Why shouldn't
it have happened? Does my birth story look like
I am broken and I am not capable of giving birth
without surgery? Sad to think if I didn't have
all the support in my life, I would have been
an automatic surgery patient. I'm so thankful
for all my blessings, including my new beautiful
blessing named Talyah Shavat.
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