Hailee & Hannah

Hailee’s Birth Story~ March 19, 2009

July 20th, 2008 I found out I was pregnant for the first time. My husband (boyfriend at the time) and I were not planning for a pregnancy at the time but we were excited!!. At the time I didn’t have any health insurance so I applied to for Medicaid. However, after weeks of calling and not hearing back from them I decided to call one of the doctors on the list of providers that they gave me. On the list there was doctor who we’ll call Dr. X who also had a nurse midwife that worked with him. We’ll call her MW. They sounded appealing because the office was 3 minutes down the road from our house but he delivered at Mease Countryside (though 30 minutes away it was the hospital my aunt worked at and their maternity wing was brand new). So I called Dr. X’s office and explained to them the situation. They were shocked that I was 8 weeks pregnant and still hadn’t received prenatal care yet. They told me that I should come in and would have to pay out of pocket for the visit. $300 just to see the doctor. At the appointment I gave the doctor my history and explained to him about a cone biopsy that I had done in 2006. Because of this procedure he wanted to do a pelvic exam to check my cervix. After the exam he told me that my cervix looked “slightly open”. I started bawling. Of course the worst things started going through my mind. “I’m loosing the baby” is all I kept thinking. He told me not to panic and to come back in 2 weeks and we’d check my cervix again. This was also the visit where they take a few vials of blood to run your blood work. Because I didn’t have insurance we had to pay out of pocket for everything. After this appointment the bills from the lab started coming in. $300 for one test. . . $400 for another. . . I think it ended up totally around $2,000 for that visit alone. We knew there would be no way we could afford this pregnancy without insurance. And we STILL hadn’t heard back from Medicaid after multiple phone calls. So after talking to Hubby we decided it would be best if we got married so that I could get on his insurance. August 28th, 2008 Hubby and I went to the Pinellas County Clerk of the Court and got married. I was 10 weeks pregnant. September 1st my insurance went into affect.

About a week after we got married I went back to the doctor to double check on my cervix. It was still open. My doctor then explained that I could have a incompetent cervix which could cause premature labor. He explained that he could put in a cerclage (a stitch) that would keep my cervix closed. Obviously out of fear of early labor and loosing the baby I went in for the cerclage at 12 weeks pregnant. The cerclage is a procedure that is done at the hospital. They give you a spinal block and it is done in the OR.

After the cerclage was placed most of the pregnancy was pretty uneventful. I was very emotional most of the time. Worrying about what kind of mother I would be. Adjusting to living with someone for the first time. Adjusting to being married. It took me about 5 months after drastically cutting back smoking and I smoked my last cigarette ever on December 20th 2008. In October we went in for our Ultrasound and found out we were expecting a little girl and her name would be Hailee! We were so excited!! Also in October. . . I FINALLY heard back from Medicaid. I was about 20 weeks pregnant!

Once I got into the 3rd trimester I started to swell. At first it wasn’t very much and would go down. But eventually the swelling got worse. It was during this time that Hubby and I decided that after Hailee was born I wouldn’t be going back to work. At 36 weeks I went into the doctors office and had my cerclage removed. Now some people when their cerclage is removed go right into labor. Others it can still take time. I didn’t go into labor. However at that time the swelling had gotten really bad. It was in my hands and face and legs and feet. It hurt to make a fist. It hurt to walk. My doctor put me on bed rest at that point. At the next visit I went to my blood pressure had been a little high. So with that and the swelling they were concerned so I was sent to the hospital for a stress test. The test came back fine. My blood pressure was fine. I went to my appointment at 38 weeks and was told to go for another stress test that Saturday. During the time I had a couple high blood pressures but nothing that stayed high. So on March 18th I went in for my 39 week check up. I was done. I had been on bed rest for 3 weeks. I couldn’t walk to the bathroom without hurting. I think I was going crazy being in bed all the time.

I cried to the midwife MW who works with Dr. X. I told her I was over it and she offered me a induction. She told me that she’d use the high blood pressures as an excuse to do the induction but I didn’t care. I was finally going to meet my baby girl!! She sent us to the hospital after the appointment. We stopped home first to grab my stuff. It was then that Hubby decided he wanted a bag too. (UGH! LOL) After waiting 45 minutes for him to pack his stuff we left to go to the hospital. (And stopped for Chick Fila on the way :P) When we got to the hospital it was about noon. After being checked in and everything we were in a room. At about 1 o’clock they started cervadil. Cervadil is a cervical ripener. At this point I wasn’t effaced or even dilated at all. I had to stay in bed too. When I went to the bathroom I had to be extra careful that I wouldn’t pull the cervadil out (it was on a string). After I’m not sure how many hours later they removed the cervadil. At this point I had started having some contractions. I’m not sure about their frequency. I tried to sleep. However I started to have a hard time sleeping though the contractions. At about 3-3:30am I rolled over to buzz the nurse. That’s when my water broke. And man was there a lot of water! I remember in the childbirth DVD we watched to check the color of the water. It was green. There was meconium in it. The nurse came in and check me. I was 3cm dilated. It was then she offered me a epidural. I accepted her request. I was about 4-4:30 when the anesthesiologist came in and administered the epidural. After that I was completely confined to the bed. A few hours later about 9-9:30am I was checked again. Barely 4cm.

At about 10:30am MW came in and told me I was barely 4 cm and that I wasn’t progressing fast enough and that I needed a c-section. In a pathetic attempt to make me feel better she told me “Well at least you’ll get to pick your next babies birthday! (rolls eyes)” So they started prepping us for the OR. They brought in caps for Hubby and I and a gown for him. The anesthesiologist came in and talked to me. Since I already had a epidural placed they were just going to up the dosage of the epidural. I was then wheeled to the OR. It felt like a long time. I remember laying there staring at the ceiling. After I was prepped with the sheets up they brought in Hubby. This part gets fuzzy. Probably because I was nervous. Also because I couldn’t really see what was going on around me. But I could feel it and hear it. I remember laying there feeling the awkwardness of them cutting me open and pulling. Because I had the epidural (as opposed to a spinal block) I could feel the pressure of everything they were doing. It didn’t hurt per se but was very uncomfortable. I remember laying there for what felt like hours just waiting to hear her first cry. Finally at 12:58pm she was born. Then there was the cry. They let me get a sneak peek at her before they whisked her off to be cleaned up and examine her. I laid there crying. I just wanted to hold her so bad. And all I could do was lay there and feel everything they were doing. After a little bit the uncomfortableness of it all started to make me panic and I started having a panic attack. The next thing I remember was asking repeatedly “Are you almost done? Are you almost done?” I felt them pulling me, and yanking me trying to put me back together. After this I don’t remember anything. I talked to Hubby well after the fact and he told me that I started hitting the curtain in front of me. The doctor was telling me that I needed to lay still. I guess the anesthesiologist got on the phone and then I was administered an amnesia-like medication. I have no recollection of what happen after I asked “Are you almost done?”

According to Hubby I was actually awake the entire time. The next thing I remember was waking up in a hospital room with family around and Hailee was on a bed. I had always had it stuck in my head from watching our Breastfeeding DVD that you needed to feed them ASAP after they’re born. So when I “came to” the first thing that came out of my mouth was “I need to feed her!” They brought her over and I was able to have our first nursing session.

Recovery was rough. I was taking the pain medications and between that and recovering from surgery I felt exhausted. I was in so much pain that when they were trying to get me up walking the halls I couldn’t. It hurt so much. It hurt to sit in a chair. Of course then there was trying to go to the bathroom. The first time I had to go the nurse was very nice and helped me. But when I had to go again the new nurse wasn’t as nice and told me I had to do it myself. It took me a very long time because bending at all hurt like hell! I remember sitting in the bathroom and hearing Hailee cry that she was hungry. By the time I came out I saw that my dad was sitting there feeding her a bottle of formula. I freaked out yelling “I’m suppose to be doing that!!” I guess the not so nice nurse came in hearing her crying and told him to give her a bottle. I was pissed. It seemed like after that I was struggling with getting the hang of breastfeeding. It just seemed like I wasn’t satisfying her. That night I cried to the not so nice nurse and she could have cared less. So we continued to supplement with bottles. We also ended up giving her a pacifier and that seemed to help her too. Hailee was overall a very healthy baby. She weighed 8lbs 4oz and was 20.5 inches long. I guess after she was born she had some low blood sugar so the nurse gave her some formula. She also developed a little bit of jaundice but it didn’t require any extra treatment.

We were discharged from the hospital on March 22nd, 3 days after Hailee was born. I was still struggling to walk but it was getting better. After we left the hospital we stopped at Walgreens and I filled my prescription for pain pills and picked up a can of formula. After that we went home and I sure was exhausted! Hubbys mom came over with dinner for us as well as my dad and stepmother who were down visiting. The next morning we had to take Hailee to her first pediatrician appointment. She had still been a little jaundiced like at the hospital but there was no concern. The best thing came from this appointment though. She told me to stop supplementing Hailee with formula. There were no issues with her breastfeeding and she didn’t need formula. Here I thought she did! She did point out too that Hailee was tongue tied. She offered to clip it. Hubby is too so we felt this was unnecessary. Since she wasn’t having any issues eating she didn’t push it. She said if she developed an speech issues because of it then we’ll readdress clipping it.

From there on Hailee grew like a weed. My recovery was slow. I took the pain pills for about 2 weeks. Fortunately with my recovery and everything Hubby was able to take 3 weeks off work. Over time my scar healed and I could start driving again. Everything after that seemed to revolve around Hailee. She never got any more formula. (I think we tried before with the “formula fed babies sleep better” intent but she always refused it.) She was breastfed until she was 11 months old when she self weaned.

It has taken me 4 years to be able to write the story of what happen that day out. The emotional pain that I still carry around with me everyday about it makes it really hard to confront. I remember the months following her birth. I don’t know if I actually suffered from true post partum depression. I don’t remember being sad about her birth. But I think the entire time I was. I slept A LOT. When she slept I slept. And that is a lot with a new born. If I wasn’t up with her I was sleeping too. I’m not exactly sure when the sadness of her birth started to set in. Maybe when I started to think about having another child. Maybe before that. I don’t exactly remember. It is tough. One of the worst things that someone can say to me is “You have a healthy baby and that is all that matters.” It’s like saying “It doesn’t matter you weren’t the first to hold her. It doesn’t matter that you have a portion of her birth that you don’t remember. It doesn’t matter that you could feel them cutting you open. It doesn’t matter that you had a panic attack on the table. It doesn’t even matter that you were in excruciating pain afterward.” Because the fact of the matter was Hailee’s health was never a issue. She had always passed the stress tests. During labor there were never any heart decels. Nothing was the matter with her for them to do what they did.

So here comes the point. Why? Why did I have to have a c-section? Is it because my body is broken?? Is it because there is too much scar tissue on my cervix because of the procedures done to it? Or is it because of a doctors impatience? Did they jump the gun on saying I needed a c-section when I wasn’t progressing by the text book? Or was it because of the cascade of interventions starting with a completely unnecessary induction? I don’t know. If the doctors were in fact right then it does mean I am broken and that there is something wrong with me. BUT! If I’m not broken. . . Then its true that the doctors were at fault and I was put through hell for no reason.

Looking back I could draw a list of the regrets that I had that day and before. I wish I had been informed. Some tell me though that it wasn’t my fault. That I put my trust in my doctor and he failed me. I wish I knew that not all inductions work. I wish I knew that cervical procedures could lead to scar tissue. But now I do. Many times now I find myself between a rock and a hard place. Every time I hear a momma going in for a unnecessary induction I want to scream at them “DON’T DO IT!! NOT ALL INDUCTIONS WORK!! LET YOUR BABY COME WHEN THEY ARE READY!” And unfortunately I have heard the stories afterward that they too played out like mine. Every time I hear about a momma who goes in for their induction only to have it work and they have a vaginal birth envy sweeps over me. Feelings of failure engulf me. It makes me angry. Why? Why didn’t it work for me? Why wasn’t I just patient enough to wait for her to come on her own? Why was my doctor so eager to induce and then cut?

This day was a life changing day for me. In a way I feel like it tested my womanhood. That now I am somehow less than a woman because my body didn’t do what it was created to do. Now with every pregnancy there after I have to weigh the risks. Weigh whether it is safer to VBAC (Vaginal Birth after Cesarean) or whether it is safer to have another c-section. I have a beautiful little girl who lights up my world every single day. But it breaks my heart that I couldn’t give her the birth she deserved. It breaks my heart that the first initial connection between us was never had. I feel so blessed to have formed a wonderful connection with her through breastfeeding. I think in a way my passion for it steamed from missing that initial moment that we never had. That I wasn’t the one who was able to comfort her first cry.

I decided to write this out because I want to put it in Hailee’s baby book. One day she will grow up and start to have a family of her own. One day she will become a mother. I want her to know the story about the day she was born. I want her to know that she needs to be informed about her birth and that she really needs to find a trustworthy midwife or doctor. And that she should run for the hills if they start pressuring her into unnecessary things. I hope that one day she can give her son or daughter the birth that I couldn’t give her.

Added Note: It’s been about a month since I wrote out Hailee’s birth story. I wanted to add a couple of key things that I’ve learned since then. I recently requested a copy of my medical records from the hospital that day. After looking over them there were a few things I wanted to make note here. 1) There is nothing in my records that indicates that there was meconium in the water. However, Hubby and I distinctly remember it being “green”. 2) According to my discharge summary it states that the reason that I needed the c section was because I hadn’t made any progress in 3 hours. However, according to the nurses notes there was no change (5 cm) between 8am and 10am.

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Hannah’s Birth Story~ September 3, 2011

Shortly after Hailee’s first birthday I started to get a itch for another baby. Through out her second year that itch got stronger and stronger. Hubby and I talked about it and we decided that we would start trying to conceive in November of 2010. One thing we had with Hailee was because her birthday fell in March we ended up paying more out of pocket in insurance deductibles. So we decided that when we would have our next baby we wanted the entire pregnancy to be in one calendar year.

At some point before I got pregnant again I learned about the option of a VBAC ( Vaginal Birth After Cesarean). I’m not really sure when or where I learned about this but I knew as soon as I heard it was possible I wanted to do it! I had joined a online birthing community called Babycenter.com and they had a VBAC group there that I learned a lot from. I started to do my own research on it as well. And by my own research I mean understanding that it was possible and knowing the risks.

In September or October of 2010 I had my annual appointment with MW at Dr. X’s office. I decided that when I went for this appointment I wanted to talk to her about conceiving again and the possibility of having a VBAC with my next birth. When I brought it up at the appointment she told that yes they would support me having a VBAC IF I went into labor on my own (they wouldn’t induce) and it had be before 40 weeks. Perfect I thought! I knew I NEVER wanted another induction again and that I would go into labor before I was 40 weeks.

We started trying to conceive in November but it wasn’t until December that we actually got pregnant. I had be charting my monthly cycles so I knew that it was the day after Christmas that I we conceived. According to my last menstrual period my due date was September 22nd but I knew I ovulated sooner and I calculated it to be more like September 18th. A few weeks later Hailee and I were leaving to go to out of town to visit my dad and brother. It was while I was on this trip that my period was due to arrive. A internet mommy friend and I were both trying for our second so we had made a pack that we would both test on 1-11-11. I brought a test with me and on the morning of January 11th, 2011 I took the test and there it was! POSITIVE!! I was so excited I didn’t think I could fall back asleep. I decided to take a picture of the test and email it to Hubby AT WORK! He was quite surprised when he opened that email! LOL

I then called my doctor and made an appointment for when I got back from my trip. I believe the appointment was for January 20th. When I went in I saw Dr. X. Because of my history with the pervious cerclage and cone biopsy he wanted to check my cervix again. He checked and it was closed this time but he said “it felt slightly short in the back” so he wanted me to go have a ultrasound done to measure my cervix. Within the next few days I had the ultrasound and it was because of those measurements that Dr. X recommended I get another cerclage placed. At 12 weeks pregnant I had the cerclage placed once again. Oh and the ultrasound tech confirmed that a due date of September 18th was accurate but because it was less than a week difference my doctor didn’t change my due date.

Once again the pregnancy was pretty uneventful. I had Hailee and the little girl I was taking care of during the day so they kept me pretty busy. April 27th, 2011 we found out we were expecting another little girl!! Hannah : ) This pregnancy ,despite being pregnant during the summer ,I didn’t swell at all! I felt honestly really great the entire time. Maybe because I had taken appoint to start exercising and eating better when I was pregnant. Since I was planning on having a VBAC at 36 weeks I went into the doctors office and had the cerclage removed. About almost 2 weeks later. . . It was a Friday night and I had taken a shower and was cleaning up toys with Hailee , getting ready for bed. Something just felt different. I remember sitting on the floor in her playroom feeling like my hips were really sore. Almost like they were widening. (I think that’s the best I can describe it.) Eventually I went to bed. However that night I had such a hard time sleeping. I would wake up feeling uncomfortable (I’m assuming I was having contractions). I’d try to go back to sleep but would keep waking with this uncomfortable feeling. In the morning I had a pedicure appointment scheduled. Hubby asked if I still wanted to go and I said yes!! LOL But I would feel better if he drove me. So I went and got my pedicure and the entire time I felt so uncomfortable. After I was done I just told Hubby I wanted to go home and take a nap. I went home and laid down and was once again woken up. This time it felt painful. I went to the bathroom and I went to go back to the bed but was stopped by this pain I was having. On top of the uncomfortable feeling I was having I was getting a isolated shooting pain in the lower part of my belly near my pelvis. I had no idea what was going on with my body or even if what I was feeling was normal. So when Hubby came in and asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital I said yes.

We gathered our bags and got Hailee in the car. I felt uncomfortable again in the car. Eventually we reached the hospital and I was checked in and brought into a triage room. It was about 4pm. I was put on the monitors where it showed I was having contractions. I told the nurse about the pain I was having that was isolated near my pelvis. She also checked me and I was 1 cm dilated. Shortly after that Dr. X came in and asked me about the isolated pain. He wanted to know what it was on a scale of 1-10. I said about a 7. His response after that was “ Well I’m afraid your uterus is rupturing and I’ve never had a rupture before. I think we should go ahead with another cesarean.” After that I emotionally shut down. I stopped talking unless I was being talked to first. And just went with what he was saying. After he left the nurses came in a prepped me and shaved me to get me ready for the OR. Anesthesia came in and consulted with me. Another nurse came in and had me signing papers. We called around to anyone who would answer to come pick up Hailee. Finally we were able to get a hold of my cousin. We were then wheeled into the OR where this time I was given a spinal block instead of the epidural. This honestly made things better for me because this time I felt nothing! Not to mention for some reason when I’m given a spinal block the medication in it makes me talk a lot!

I laid there talking and waiting for that first cry. Shortly before she was born either MW or one of the nurses asked if I wanted them to lower the curtain(or bring a mirror. . . I cant remember which one they offered) so I could see her born. I told them no. Later I eventually regretted this decision but my reasoning at the time was that I didn’t think I could handle seeing myself like that. So they offered to Hubby and he peeked his head over the curtain and snapped a couple of pictures of her being born. They quickly showed her to me and once again my baby was whisked away and cleaned up. From here on out honestly everything seemed to go pretty fast. I remember laying there and they brought her over to me and I able to hold her after they got me all stitched up. They wheeled us to the postpartum room. The nurse came in and checked me out and I was able to start our first nursing session. It was like riding a bike. About a hour later they allowed family to come in. When they opened the door it was like everyone that we had been trying to get a hold of to pick up Hailee came piling in. LOL I had made it clear that Hailee would get to hold her before anyone else did. And oh man was she so excited to see her new sister!!

Hannah was born September 3rd, 2011 at 6:32pm (Yes. 2 and a half hours after I arrived at the hospital). She weighed 6lbs 13 oz and was 19.25 inches long. Tiny compared to her big sister!! (Hey I thought 2nd babies were always bigger than the first ;) ) She did great nursing! And didn’t have any blood sugar issues like Hailee did so they didn’t need to give her formula. She did however become jaundiced and it was extensive enough that she ended up having to go under the bilirubin lights. Because of this and my c-section recovery we ended up being in the hospital about 4 days. She was born on a Saturday and we were discharged Wednesday. The first night she was under the lights I was woken by this urge to check on her. I gotten up and when I went over she had pulled the eye wear over her nose and mouth and was flailing her arms! I freaked out and didn’t sleep the rest of the hospital stay I don’t think. I made sure that if Hubby was sleeping I was awake because I was so scared of it happening again. Needless to say by the time we were getting discharged I was going crazy.

She also had a situation where she dropped too much of her birth weight and the pediatrician wanted us to supplement with formula. We ended up giving her one bottle but shortly after that one of the lactation consultants came in and saw that my milk was already in so she talked to the pediatrician and I was able to pump and supplement with breast milk! YEAH! I was so thankful for that lactation consultant. Hannah did gain enough weight back and I was able to stop supplementing before we left the hospital. So between nursing every 2-3 hours, then pumping and not sleeping I was exhausted!! Though recovery this time was much different than with my first. I was up walking within a few hours. I was able to sit and walk. And the only pain medication I took was Motrin. They continued to offer the strong stuff but I never liked how it made me feel so I always declined. Plus I didn’t think I needed it. I only ended up having 2 minor complications afterward. I’m sorry this is TMI but I ended up getting a bed sore on my butt at the hospital that I ended up needing a antibiotic ointment for. Then shortly after I left the hospital my incision developed a hole in it that oozed and the doctor used a Qtip to help drain it.

Hannah grew like a weed too! She never had any formula other than the one bottle at the hospital and breastfed until she self weaned at 13 months. She has always been little but man is she one feisty little girl. She adores her big sister and the love they have for each other is amazing. The day after we brought her home from the hospital we took her to her pediatrician appointment. She looked great but her jaundice was still there so she wanted to check it again in a few weeks. I’m not sure how long after she was born but within a month or two Hannah was diagnosed with an umbilical hernia that she was referred out to a specialist for. The specialist said it would heal on its own and didn’t require surgery.

When I look back on Hannah’s birth I don’t feel as if it were as traumatic for me as Hailee’s birth was. If anything this time I felt more angry and disappointment at myself. I would tell myself things like “Really?? You actually believed that the person who cut you open unnecessarily the first time wouldn’t try to do it again?” I wanted to add a couple of things. I’m sure some reading this would think “She had that pain. . . Her cesarean was necessary!” I honestly do not believe it was and here’s why: 1. I arrived at the hospital at 4pm but my daughter wasn’t born until 6:30pm. 2 and half hours later. They took their time prepping me for surgery. Had this been an actual rupture I should have been rushed to the OR. Which leads me to believe that my doctor honestly didn’t think I was rupturing. 2. There was no rupture. Nothing. There weren’t even any other signs of me rupturing. My doctor did however pull my husband aside after the surgery and told him “I don’t think she could have handled labor. Her lower uterine segment was thin.” Really Doc? I assume covering his ass acting like he saved my life because I really wasn’t rupturing. 3. I knew I wasn’t rupturing. I don’t know how to explain it. But I KNEW, I knew in that moment when he threw out the rupture card that it was wrong. I just knew that when I emotionally shut down I was trying to protect myself emotionally because what was about to happen shouldn’t be happening.

When I look back I wish I knew about organizations like ICAN before my CBAC (Cesarean Birth after Cesarean). I wish I was as informed as I am now. I do have those feelings though where I wonder again “Scar tissue from the cerclage? Impatient doctor? “Broken” Body?” Why oh why did I have to go through another cesarean? Why can I not give my babies the births they deserve? I cannot take again having my baby pulled from my abdomen and hearing her cry for me across the room and there is nothing I can do for her. I have my list of regrets for her birth as well. I wish I fought harder. I wish I hadn’t caved and consented to another cesarean.

I’ve heard many women who’ve had more than one cesarean say things like “Oh my second one was so much easier than my first one.” Yes, physically my second cesarean was easier. Emotionally, no. It was very hard too. Not only did I have to hear my poor newborn baby girl crying for me across the room but I also had to deal with weeks afterward of having to hear my oldest cry for me to pick her up when I couldn’t. That pain that I felt that I couldn’t be there for her either. I could never choose this. There is so much that my babies and I missed out on with a vaginal birth.

As with Hailee’s birth story I plan on putting Hannah’s birth story in her baby book as well. When my girls become women I want them to read these stories. I want them to know that I so desired a better birth for them both. I want Hannah to know that I am so sorry everyday that I didn’t fight to give her what she needed those first few moments of her life. And all I can do is pray that they will have those moments with their own children.

A few months after Hannah was born Hubby and I decided that one day we would have a 3rd child. I KNEW a VBA2C (Vaginal Birth After 2 Cesareans) is possible! So head first into the books I went. Understanding VBAC at a more extensive level. Understanding the risks and possibilities of a VBA2C. And now understanding the politics behind VBAC period. I even became a member of ICAN of Tampa with the hope that maybe one day I could help a momma who has gone through what I have or even prevent one from going through what I have.

I never did find out what that pain was all about. After doing some research I believe it was possibly adhesions (scar tissue) breaking apart that formed after my first cesarean.

Hopefully the next time you hear from me will be my VBA2C story : )

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